All Children are NOT Created Equal

I remember growing up thinking that anything my sister got I had to get too.  I came by this belief honestly as my mother was obsessive about giving us exactly equal shares of everything.  In fact, at Christmas time, she would buy us the same clothes only different colors.

As we grew, I began to resent this.  Partially because anything I got ahead of my sister was better by the time she got it.  I got a stereo with a turntable; a few years later she got one with a CD player. There’s no justifying this behavior – it was just plain spoiled. 

When I graduated high school, a friend’s family invited me to go with them to California.  It was a great trip.  As a result, my mother made sure to take my sister when she graduated.  Always equal.  Though, not really.

So…  When I had kids, I knew the pitfalls of striving for equal when each child is his/her own individual.  There are times when one gets more than the other – it’s completely situational and has nothing to do with who is loved more.  Still, jealousy rears its ugly head.

Even though situations are completely different, my older kids want equality.  In fact, they even tend to forget about what they got when they were younger now that their young siblings are wanting things like phones, Ipods, etc.  Why does Youngest get a laptop when I need a new one?  Because, we already got you one! 

We paid for our daughter to go away to college.  She wanted the “college experience.”  While she got lots of experience, not much of it was academic.  We learned.  Now it’s – “Why won’t you pay for me to have an apartment when Oldest got to live in one when she went to college?  I hate living at home – you all bug me.”

Simple:

1.  We learned that was the wrong way to go

2.  You are two different people with different maturity levels and abilities

3.  You are attending locally

4.  Energy has to match investment or it’s a poor investment

5.  Saying we bug you is probably not the right approach to getting treated like an adult

There’s the kid in me that fully understands why Oldest Boy wants his turn and resents not getting the same chances.  However, there’s the adult in me that knows that it’s not about equality it’s about each individual.

I think rather than equality, we need balance.  Balance allows us to cheer on strengths, be supportive during times of weakness, and look at each situation objectively making a decision that’s best for all concerned. 

Yes – I believe I choose balance over equality.

Unexpected Birthday Presents

My husband can be quite creative when under pressure.  He took matters into his own hands for my birthday, and this is what he came up with.

1.  An Outdoor Umbrella

I’ve had these in the past, but was too cheap to buy the base thus a bad windstorm broke the two umbrellas I’ve purchased. (In retrospect, the base would have been a good idea.)  So, umbrella and base so that I can sit by the pool while the kiddos swim and not melt.

 2.  A Firepit

This isn’t something I would have thought of – especially when it’s in the 90’s with 100% humidity (or at least feels that way).  However, I really like the idea.  In the fall, we’ll enjoy sitting on the patio with a nice fire to keep us warm.  My hubby likes traditions.  He wants to make Smores on Sunday evening a tradition.  J

 3.  A BB Gun

Yes, you read that right.  I used to love to shoot.  Growing up, my dad had a .45 semi-auto that we took out to the range.  That would have been a tad bit excessive!  Lol  However, a BB rifle was perfect. 

We went out and had a good time shooting at targets. When it cools down, it’ll really be fun.

Of course - it was Mom that hit the bullseye!  :-)

Thank you Honey for taking the time to do the unexpected!

Freedom… To Abstain from Church?

If you’re like us, the sermon this Sunday was on freedom.  Christian freedom, the freedom to be a Christian in this country, and the amazing men and women that fight to keep us free.

One aspect of freedom my older kids want is the freedom to abstain from going to church.  I’m talking young adults really – 18 and 20.  They both feel that church isn’t for them, and they shouldn’t be made to go.

The house rule has always been – if you’re home, you’re going to church.   I’ve allowed for the fact that not every church fits our family’s personality.  My husband and my youngest son attend a church that the hubby has been going to his whole life.  Their youth group is small and we never fit in, so my older three wanted a different venue.  We’ve tried three or four churches now – we’re still searching.  I’m OK with searching.  I’m not OK with quitting.

So…  What to do?  I’ve always believed the argument that you wouldn’t let your kids say they don’t want to go to school  - education is too important.  Isn’t spirituality even more so?  So, church shouldn’t be optional either.  However, I have to wonder.  What am I accomplishing dragging them to church?  I hope we’re modeling the fact that God is center in our lives and we can devote time to Him.  However, am I making them resent church?  Religion?

Of course, if they didn’t have to go, the trickledown theory would then work its way to my 13 and 11 year olds as well.  I don’t want them waiting for the time they get to choose and not go to church.  I realize their issues aren’t with God – it’s about a human institution.  They don’t like the ceremony, the sermon or the early hours.  But, doesn’t God call on us to commune with Christians? 

Clearly, I wish we had a strong church relationship that all the kids enjoyed, and maybe that is in our future.  But – what to do now? 

Do you have older teens that don’t want to attend church?  How do you handle it?

Help! I Need a Birthday Present Idea Stat!

My husband just called me and asked - what do you want for your birthday? I turn 41 next week, and he's on a mission to get me a present.

Wow – what a great question! He has been asking me and asking me for the past couple weeks, and I just don’t have an answer.

My standard answer is – full body massage! Yes, that’s what I want from him. Of course, he argues if he doesn’t buy it, it doesn’t count. Hmmm… I just don't do the spa thing, so buying that is out!

He has now threatened to go spend a bunch of money if I don’t come up with something to tell him. That’s a quality threat as I am frugal and he’s not. So, I tend to set the bar on spending. If he moves the bar, I might have a heart attack for my birthday.

So – what do I want? Clothes? No. I don’t need or want anything electronic right now.  Don’t need cooking stuff. Have my homeschooling stuff for next year. Not interested in any hobby right now that needs resupplying. Already have way too many animals. Just redid a couple of rooms. Not into jewelry or makeup. Hmmm…

Ideas? Help! SOS!

Don't get me wrong – it’s a great predicament to be in. So blessed… So so blessed.

Suggestions?

Blue Pen/Black Pen Phenomena - Teen Truth Circumvention

You may have this phenomenon going on in your house and just not realize it.

It gained its name thanks to my oldest child.   Someone had decided to do some scribble art on our wall.  My husband asked who wrote with a black pen all over the wall.  It was fervently denied by both her and her brother.  Caught in the act later, we asked why she lied?  Her response – I didn’t; it was a blue pen.  Hence the black pen/blue pen phenomenon.

It may be because I teach English that my children are so aware of how to use language to get around things.  This, however, is a bad thing.  Most recently it was about smoking.  Why teenagers choose to try smoking being fully aware of all the dangers and nastiness associated with it is beyond me!  Believe me, we’ve gone out of our way to educate them about why it is wrong.

Anyhow, that discernable smell began appearing on my oldest son’s clothes.  I ask – Are you smoking?  No, mom!  My friends smoke, I don’t.  Then other signs, cigarette pack in the car, the occasional butt on the ground, lighters – are you smoking?  No, Mom, it’s my friends.  Finally, caught in the act by a friend.  Are you smoking?  No, Mom.  How can you say that, you’ve been seen doing it?   Mom – I smoke occasionally.  I’m not smoking.  Smoking implies I do it all the time and am addicted.  I’m not. 

Yes – he knows what he is doing.  Yes, my heart broke a little. 

So what does a parent do that has children who use the blue pen/black pen phenomenon to circumvent the truth:

1.  Stay vigilant
2.  Try lots of different wording when asking questions
3.  Check their text messages
4.  Look for signs (you know in your gut the truth)
5.  Look them dead in the eye
6.  Explain that trust is a valuable commodity they will not quickly get back
7.  Pray (actually this should first and after each on the list)

I hate having to be a detective parent.  It’s worse though to be naive.  Teens will get into situations they knowingly shouldn’t.  We hope and pray we can trust them to do the right thing and to be honest when they don’t.  However, that isn’t always the way it works out – even with the best of parenting.  Trust your gut moms and dads!  It doesn’t lie, and it doesn’t differentiate between black and blue.

God's Color Pallette

I was doing yard work over the weekend and was amazed by God's color pallette.  We're not gardners by any means.  We stick plants in the ground and if they grow - great!  Yet, the diversity and beauty never ceases to amaze me. 

I just wanted to share.  Happy Monday All!

God and Stephen Hawking Review

God and Stephen Hawking

Author:  John C. Lennox

I’m a scientist at heart.  To me, the world is biology and chemistry and physics all created by God.  So, when Stephen Hawking, a world-renowned physicist, claimed that physics shows there is no God , I was troubled.  Not because I worried he’d convince me, but because I knew that many who recognize his name put a lot of credence behind what he has to say even if they don’t understand it. 

Reading John Lennox’s book, God and Stephen Hawking, allowed me to better understand Hawking’s view and the inherent flaws.  Why listen to John Lennox? His credentials are on caliber with Hawking – primarily being that he’s a mathematics professor at Oxford.  I’m certainly no quantum physicist, so having concepts explained in lay man’s terms helped me to see what Hawking is saying and why it is inaccurate.

Hawking offers that the “laws of physics themselves brought the universe into being.”  Can a law create anything?  In order to be a law, there have to be observable circumstances that consistently fall within defined parameters, then you have a law.  A law that is identified because of the consistency of something cannot create that something from nothing.  Confusing?  You bet.  This is a small book, but a big read.

I’ve never really understood the tension between science and religion.  Why must one exist without the other?  Why must we be asked, as Hawking does, to choose between one or the other?  God created everything; therefore, the scientific laws and principles that humans have identified are by design.  No conflict there. 

According to Lennox, Hawking uses the ideas of a multi-verse, M-theory and the impossibility of miracles to demonstrate there is no God.  However, the multi-verse (or is it one giant created universe?) and M-theory are just that, theoretical.  Some would argue – so is God.  However, when we take other aspects of knowledge like history, archeology, and literature we can find evidence for God.  None for the M-theory.  And miracles?  Well, yes, that requires a belief in God.  Sure there are laws that are immutable here on earth, but an omniscient God is not subject to these laws, he makes the circumstances that we define as laws.  If he chooses for Jesus to raise from the dead, that is certainly within his power.  The fact that there are numerous documented eye-witnesses is the proof we seek for resurrection and therefore the existence of God.

While put in lay man’s terms, this book is still a difficult read.  Not surprising when refutation of a quantum physics scientist’s theory is the purpose.  Be prepared to go slow and really think through each section.  I would have liked to have seen a little more breadth and depth in the book – the author admits there’s so much more to cover.  However, if the purpose of the book is to help those of us not steeped in mathematics and physics understand why Hawking is inaccurate, then I feel it fulfills that objective.

***  I received this book free of charge from LitFuse for my honest review.