It all happened so fast. He found a job that will allow him to do his co-op for college, an apartment with the roommate he wanted, and talked me into filling out an application. Originally, it was, we are just seeing if we qualify. Suddenly, it was, I put down a deposit. Wait! Gullible.
He has a plan – if everything goes perfectly it will all work out. I’m cynical because things rarely go perfectly, but I do want to support his efforts at being independent and coming into his own. As he’s told me many times – he’s doing it with or without us. The family dynamic is changing again.
It’s weird to think he won’t be here anymore. It’s been almost nineteen years. He’s determined he’s not coming back. Part of that hurts and part of that makes me proud. I worry he’s not ready, but then what is ready? How do we grow if we never get out of the nest? How much should we help? How often should we visit? Will he come home to see us? What about holidays?
Yes, I’m worrying too much – I do that. My daughter has moved out before for college, but there was always the expectation that she’d be back. I just don’t think I’m ready to have him out permanently. Like I said, it’s all happening too fast.We will be praying for his success.
April, I know that must be hard. Just that word "permanent" carries so much weight. Then again, we don't know what will happen when he gets out on his own, especially if perfect doesn't happen, so permanent may be the perspective only for this moment.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean when you say part of you hurts and part of you is proud. I feel the same way. Even though my son is only five hours away at college, he is fiercely independent, only wants to see us on his terms, and continually tells us that he will never live at home again. He doesn't mean it in a bad way, but it hurts nonetheless. He keeps saying, "Mom, be proud. This is what you want. You don't want me to be 40 and still hanging at home dependent on you."
Plus, I don't know about you, but I felt the same way when I was that age. I wanted out! Once I got out, my view of the situation changed a little. While I never returned home, I did miss some things about home that I'd always taken for granted.
Just letting you know that I hear your heart. The good thing is that your son has a praying mom that knows some of the trials and pitfalls of the independent life so she can pray ahead for him. Good ole mom is probably about to become his new BFF.
I can imagine your agony! My boys are getting closer and closer to complete independence...totally makes me nervous and I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and that He is fully able to keep my sons safe! I have one son who's pretty set on going into the military...gulp...I hope when they leave we can send them with our blessing! Trust me, I'll be praying constantly! lol
ReplyDeleteThank you Bonita and Mrs. Taffy, It's a scary time for us. We're worrying about insurance, uhaul, packing all in a whirlwind today (and, yes, homeschooling). I think there will be tears. He used to say military, so, Mrs. Taffy, I know your worry there too. I'm glad it's an apartment and not an enlistment right now. Thanks so much for your kind words, both of you, they mean so much! April
ReplyDeleteI'm not ready for that step, but know that I need to start preparing myself - Ashley is just one month away from turning 18! Right now, she's not planning to move out anytime soon, but you just never know.
ReplyDeleteHi Heidi, This has become his major goal since turning 18. Something about that magic number for him. It would be nice if he'd stay home and save his money, but he's gotta do what he's gotta do. Hoping yours stays home. I like having them at home (most of the time... lol).
ReplyDeleteApril
Kids can be so different! One of mine says he'll be on his way soon--he has big plans:)One left early and came back for awhile--and i was glad. Others want to stay or come back...such different personalities! This is definitely a time for prayer. It is so hard being Mom and trusting the kids choices. (And, we know, things can and do fail in this world!) BUt God will be with him:) HUGS. I think he is cool!
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